2. Forget to turn the oven ON.
3. Forget to turn the timer ON.
4. Float the turkey in a sea of juices…he probably needs a bath, and will look cute as a boat for the gravy.
5. Be considerate and take the turkey’s temperature under his wing instead of up his rear.
7. Wait until 11:03 a.m. to take the turkey out of the fridge and find out it is STILL frozen.
8. DO inject yourself instead of the turkey with your favorite drink …we wouldn’t want the chef to dry out during cooking!
9. If all else fails and the turkey comes out perfect, there’s always the old Christmas Story standby—let the neighbors’ dogs in for a little snack before dinner.
Now the only "gobble gobble" you'll hear will be the turkeys laughing at you!