Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Top 9 Ways to Kill a Thanksgiving Turkey (Again)

1. Leave the giblets IN the plastic bag inside the turkey. Place in oven until the poisonous smell fills the kitchen.


2. Forget to turn the oven ON.

3. Forget to turn the timer ON.

4. Float the turkey in a sea of juices…he probably needs a bath, and will look cute as a boat for the gravy.

5. Be considerate and take the turkey’s temperature under his wing instead of up his rear.

6. Overfill the fryer with oil, any oil except Peanut Oil. Enjoy the fireworks instead of the turkey. Or, to set the stage for a reenactment of the Civil War, complete with canon, make sure the fryer is sitting on unleveled ground.

7. Wait until 11:03 a.m. to take the turkey out of the fridge and find out it is STILL frozen.

8. DO inject yourself instead of the turkey with your favorite drink …we wouldn’t want the chef to dry out during cooking!

9. If all else fails and the turkey comes out perfect, there’s always the old Christmas Story standby—let the neighbors’ dogs in for a little snack before dinner.


Now the only "gobble gobble" you'll hear will be the turkeys laughing at you!

No comments:

Post a Comment

About Me

My Photo
Wynne Huddleston is a poet, musician and teacher. Her first book of poetry, From the Depths of Red Bluff, published by the Mississippi Poetry Society, Inc., is now available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Ms. Huddleston is the Mississippi Poetry Society 2014 Poet of the Year. Her poetry has been published in numerous publications including the Birmingham Arts Journal, Camroc Press Review, Stymie Magazine, Danse Macabre, Orange Room Review, New Fairy Tales Anthology, Ink, Sweat & Tears, and Four and Twenty. Her poem, Same Stars, Different Houses received a Pushcart Nomination from Deep South Magazine. Awards include the 2013 MPS Award, and Winner of the Grandmother Earth National Contest 2010 for Environmental Poetry. Ms. Huddleston was born in Lone Star, Texas, but has lived in Mississippi most of her life. She has been an elementary music teacher for 25 years, and has 2 grown sons, and 2 grandchildren.

Share it